November 20th, 2004
|12:33 pm - Update...|
Well, I haven't been here in a long long time, seems I was trying to recapture the last dying threads of what was a pub-crawlin' and not at all sentient summer for myself, and well....my god, didn't it rain a lot!!
I suppose the fall-out/misgivings between various loved friends and me didnt really inspire me to write here anymore, that and the constant demand it seems the damn social offices have on me lol. As for casual updates, I'll try and be brief:
I'm falling crazy in love with Jack, don't know what the hell I'd do without him. laugh in my face if you please, but sometimes someone just makes you glow inside, makes it OK to be four in the morning and still awake without being alone.I'm just afraid of it ending. I'm not saying its a sugary-sweet fairytale, because nothing ever is, at least not when you've licked the top layer of icing off.....but this relationship is something I want to fight for, something to make me get up in the morning (and watch Trisha, obviously). I've kinda adopted his friends, them being people I've known for a few years now but always been too shy to really talk too much to and they are so lovely! I feel like I can just BE with people again.
I may have a volunatary job at the town library helping out with the snakes, yeah! Theres a whole bunch more locked away in the inner sanctum too, not just the Milksnake and the Cali King snake in the Aquariam...aw, its kind of strange, but I feel I've felt them grow up over the last four years....it will be a wonderful chance to get to know a lot more about them, too. I'd like to learn the Latin names for different species.
I had one of the most beautiful nights of my life last Saturday (even if a Salford Warehouse rave turned to a brick n' bottle fest. Yes, so the effects and feelings were heightened by various mind-altering substances, but I just felt so happy to be out with the man I love and two of my closet friends, and a crowd of likeminded extremely peachy keen people whom I'm quite sure I expressed these emotions to in a very big way lol! I don't know why, it was just so beautiful. Comedowns with Mr Gibbons are blissful.
Kelpie has been undergoing some pretty darn tough family problems, and juggling coursework in the act, our beautiful beautiful masterpiece, "Nicotine, Alcohol and all that Cal"- our modern transegressive insight into the minds of two beautiful creatures mainly our inner monologues and their somewhat intrepid if disturbing adventures into the abyss of the human experience in, what is commonly known as "splatterpunk gutterpunk". Or for Kelpie and I, that'd come sweetly under two subcategories- "The Night Before" and "The Morning After". Y' know?
As for Chris, that Neo-Nazi colonial fascist dictator who occupies (and I use that term eptymologically) the room next to mine....well, I am due for an interveiw with BASE on Thursday morning. Despite sly dab-handed entries in livejournal he thought I wouldn't read, constant lies and deciet for the sole benefit of oppressing Kelpie, Julian and myself to his control freak ways; insofar killing my snake, if not intentionally, quite without conscience or regards, by fucking us about with the heating dial......Gods apart, the list is endless. It depresses me.
He may likely read this and I hope he does, he has lied about, degraded, accused me, threatened me with false landlord-tenant hearsays, pitted flatmates against me and put me down, and over the last two/three months the problem of his spineless, insipid, simpering ways has escalated so that I am forced to move out before I go insane. I only regret having involved my housemates and making them feel like piggy-in-the-middle for so long, focusing my anger towards Chris on them at times when I was frustrated to breaking point.
The thing which really has me twisted up inside is Zillah. Jack, Sam, Kelpie, Ju and I buried him in the park, under a patch of young trees and although I tried to keep my face straight I felt like I was going to crack in two. I cannot express what he meant to me, the maternal feelings I had for him. The blackest note on everything is the fact I was due to move him up to Jack's flat that very weekend, just waiting on the right time to do it, get him to eat once more before I disturbed him etc. I don't want to talk about the details, I just feel that I've failed someone else. Its the most emptiest, painful feeling. Everyone was so loving, so understanding that night. I can't explain how damn touched I was, how much those certain people mean to me, what it meant to do that for me. Well, it meant everything. Zillah, I love you sweetheart, if you can read this from whatever realm you are in now. I miss you.
Well, y' know, ten fat scallies on a trampolene, what can I really say?
Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: Silverchair-Neon Ballroom
I know how much Zillah meant babe.
i came back2house about seven and stayed while half nine but you werent up yet!! i have your card, when do u want me to come down with it? are we going to see jake tonight?? my social worker type lady is really lovely, she used to live in Scunthorpe :)they have a free pool table and hot drinks if youre feeling unpeachy and bored...and its just round the corner and across the road from the ethnic minority shop....
I was up!! Just not downstairs. Are you gonna be in at tea time? I hope we are still going to see Jake.
You must have left minutes before I did...weird.
Oh dear. And to think I actually deleted that LiveJournal rant about you and put an apology in its place. Sigh.
I'll start off with something nice before I go on, for old time's sake. I am genuinely sorry about Zillah. Truly. I know how much he meant to you. I hope it's blatantly obvious to everyone that I didn't kill him, intentionally or unintentionally. There's no such thing as "fucking around with the heating dial" because the damn thing doesn't have a dial. Zillah never did anything do me, why the hell would I want to hurt him, let alone kill him? I don't know what in your mind is preventing you from seeing that no one is responsible for his death. Have you blamed yourself yet?
Lies from me - name one.
Lies from you - "I can pay the rent", "I've met with the landlord at got the contract", most of the entry above.
Put you down - again, name one time, besides now.
Put me down - every time you leave my sight.
"false landlord-tenant hearsays"? What the fucking hell are you blabbering about? I'll admit that we have been fucked about to buggery by Mainwell Properties and I'm reporting them to the council the second I get a free moment, but you know this already, so why blame me?
"Forced to move out before you go insane". Too late. You're already insane, and you don't live here anymore. For what reason? "The list is endless", but I'll use the fact that you haven't paid rent in SIX MONTHS. In actuality, you haven't even bought a six pack of bog-roll! You've been sponging off us for six months! You owe me over £400 (most of which is going to my Dad, who took a leap of trust and warned me not to do it because there are people in the world who will gladly use your money and then run away) and Vikki £220. We are all in serious financial difficulties largely thanks to you, and what do you do? Go out and spend over £112.50 on drinks and having a good time.
As for the Nazi thing - do you want me to give you a quick history lesson? I've already told it to kelpie. I'll save it for the next insult, I think.
I've been patient despite all the insults - but no more. This really is the last straw, especially after how you reacted to the LJ post I made in a fit of anger a month or so ago. If you're in the house when I get back you get all this in person. You're officially kicked out, and I want all your stuff out before December 18th. If you don't hand your key back before this weekend though I'll change the locks, and if I have to spend more money on changing the locks, you don't get your stuff back. It's that simple. I didn't want to make that threat, really I didn't, I hope it won't be necessary.
We'll see. Wow, that's probably the longest LJ comment ever made.
'kay - can you cut this short now? I for one don't want to get dragged into an online brawl.
Plus LJ's fucking up - for me at least :(
And Tingler now knows that I would never let him hurt lux's stuff. Never.
I'm not one for vengeanace.